March 19, 2002

The Sporting Blues
   by mike <mike@pfft.net>

Check this out. Just a few days ago, a 13 year old girl was struck and killed by a hockey puck while watching a game between the Columbus Blue Jackets and the Calgary Flames. Am I the only one wondering, "What the hell?"

I'm not going to make any jokes about this young lady's tragic and untimely, albeit strange, demise. I will, however, use this opportunity to point out how sports is often just ridiculous.

Take hockey, for example. A bunch of people cram into a stadium/arena to watch grown men and women slip around on ice with big sticks and hope they get into fights. Maybe they'll get to throw their hats onto the ice... or even squid!

Nascar is a hypocritical bastard indeed. "Fans" pay good money to go watch cars speed around a little oval for hours on end, secretly hoping there will be some kind of crash. Actually, most people aren't even secretive - they openly hope for some kind of automotive disaster to strike so they can see flames and hear twisting metal. You sick bastards. You're the same ones who turn around and cry and sob about how sad it is that Dale Earnhardt died in a crash. People sit and burn to death in those steel coffins and you sit there and enjoy it. PFFT to you.

And while I'm at it, PFFT to everyone who likes the out-of-control sports like monster truck rallies. If you want to see a car crush other cars, fine, take the risk. But don't turn around and bitch when the truck goes out of control and nails some spectators in the stands.

If you're so insistent that these sports are harmless, I've got something to say to you: A great man once said, "I'll get you a spoon so you can eat my ass."

Published: March 19, 2002
Editor: stacy