April 22, 2000

Bad Drivers
   by mike <mike@pfft.net>

Driving one of the biggest changes in a 16 (in some places, 18) year old's life. They now find themselves behind the wheel of a $10,000-30,000 finely-tuned machine, terrorizing other drivers and the occasional unwitting squirrel crossing the road.

Surprisingly, many of these new drivers are quite safe, worrying too much about scratching their dad's car to really be much of a menace.

I'm really talking about two groups of people: the middle-aged assholes who feel the roads were built for THEM, and anyone on it is a target, and the 65+ year old drivers, who lost their eyesight, judgement, and reflex time twenty years ago.

The former group are probably the less serious of the two. Most of these dickheads on the road pull stunts that worry the other drivers on the road, but they themselves are in decent control of the vehicle. Sure they cut you off in traffic. Sure they change lanes and turn without signalling. Sure they speed by you, cut in front of you, and then slow down. BUT they're doing it consciously, with their own safety in mind. Remember, this is the same group that'll viciously rip off your nutsack and mount it on their wall for scratching or looking at their car wrong. PFFT!

The true horror of the highways are 65+ year old drivers who are all-around "losing it." These people honestly should not be allowed anywhere near a motor vehicle, let alone behind the wheel. I am a paramedic, and therefore drive for a living. Some of the people on the road now, I'm frankly surprised didn't expire in a fiery wreck long ago. They swerve without noticing, turn into traffic at 2 mph, brake suddenly and unpredictably, never check their side or rearview mirrors, and rarely drive with regard to pedestrians or cyclists. PFFT!

I sometimes wish I hadn't gone into medicine. I should have been a police officer, because I'd do nothing other than pull over EVERY SINGLE asshole on the road. This includes every rich bitch in a Mercedes that ignore "No Turn on Red" and "Do Not Block Intersection" signs. It includes the retards on "donorcycles" without helmets and/or leathers. I've had enough.

PFFT!

Published: April 23, 2000
Editor: stacy