April 23, 2000
Reproduction - There's more to it than just photocopying yourself
by mike <email@example.com>
Recently, the population of the world went up another billion. That is a lot of people. That's higher than the number of times Ted Kennedy has passed out with his head in a garbage can at various ornate White House functions.
What's with all the surges in population? Are we at risk of dying out as a species? No one told me! I'd better find someone to take care of my "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" episode collection.
But seriously. Is it because social norms are changing so that 6 and 7 child families are expected? Doubtful. Is it because people who are having sex are getting younger and younger? Probably. Is it because the population that has sex is getting more and more careless? Quite possibly.
It's not challenging to master the concept of "thrust and repeat" (much like "lather, rinse and repeat as necessary"). It's really not. What does seem to escape most people are the possible repercussions of their actions. [Big surprise.] You can't just randomly have sex and pretend to be surprised when one of you gets pregnant. Sheesh. I'm not even touching this anymore. :-)
What is it with mothers dropping their newborn infants into dumpsters because they can't handle parenthood? Why does a 17-year-old think that having her baby in a school toilet, flushing it, and returning to the prom are acceptable standards of behavior? PFFT! We teach 17 year olds that they have to at least put the infant in a garbage bag before flushing it, don't we?!
Seriously, though, where is this country going when our youth are becoming parents before they can vote or buy pornography? What's going to happen in the future when 9 year old Betty Sue in Arkansas cranks out three kids by the time she's 12? I'll tell you. Clinton's REALLY going to jail this time.
We've got to watch our kids. (No, not doing THAT, you sick bastard.) We need to teach them that though teenage pregnancy is not at all encouraged, there are paths to take when something like that happens not involving asphyxiation and a trash compactor. We taught them how to tie their shoes, why the sky is blue [we made it up because we didn't know], where rain comes from, and what sex is. Why stop there? Finish your job as parents, so when they become parents nine months later, they're ready. Oh, and if you have time, help them study for their driver's ed test too - that section on uncontrolled intersections is killer.
Just my $0.02.
Published: April 24, 2000