May 15, 2000

Britney Spears: Put some clothes on!
   by mike <mike@pfft.net>

You know, come to think of it, I can't believe I said that either. I'm a guy, right? She's wearing practically nothing, right? Damn. I must be coming down with something.

What is it about baring your body that's appealing, anyway? I somehow doubt thousands of people would pay $75 a ticket to see me strut my stuff half naked on a stage. Come on, aren't big stomachs and not-so-hot vocals attractive these days? It worked for John Travolta, didn't it? Wait, no, that was "Disco Inferno." Crap.

[Pseudo-]seriously, though. Britney Spears took off in 1999, and her stronghold on the charts hasn't loosened since. How does she do it? Well, her songs all sound alike, so she's probably just sticking with what works. You know what else has gotten her significant attention? The same thing that's getting everyone else's attention - her boobs! (Pause.) Sorry, heh, I was visualizing her-- ehh, nevermind.

Miss Spears is more than welcome to dress like a harlot on her own time. I could care less if she barely hangs scraps of clothing over her chest, so long as I continue to be supplied with pictures. But when she starts to influence younger members of society, intentionally or otherwise, there's an issue there.

I walk around in my northern Chicago suburb and see 13 year olds that have skintight pants and mid-thigh skirts on. Please, tell me, WHY? We wonder what possesses grown men to convince little kids on the Internet to meet them for sex. Well gee, if you met an 11-year-old who dresses like a 21-year-old, what would you do? No, I mean after they finish watching "Sailor Moon" and "The Power Puff Girls."

Six Flags theme parks have 15-year-old employees. All of these folks have an obnoxiously bright yellow nametag that the park claims is for "labor law purposes." Right. A nametag that annoying is meant to signify one thing: Don't Touch!

Those who enjoy the fruits of fame must also realize they bear the responsibility of setting a good example. Young people, whether we like it or not, are going to follow the lead of those in the spotlight. It's the sensitive star or starlet who can put a patch in the crotch of those old jeans (I can't believe I'm advocating this), not rip their jersey off after winning the Women's World Cup (something's very wrong with me) and help keep at least a shred of decency alive for young people (it could be scarlet fever).

Of course, we could all ignore these things, perpetuate the disintegration of morals and family values, and allow our children to become 13-year-old prostitutes with lung cancer and syphillis. After all, Springer's got to get his guests somewhere, right?

Published: May 15, 2000
Editor: stacy