May 6, 2000

@^$#$!@ Women!
   by jonafun

I give up. Honestly. I give up. I've realized that I'm destined to spend the rest of my natural life (and probably a good portion of the afterlife) completely celibate. Not even a smooch.

Women suck. I'm sorry, the editor will beat my ass for this over Memorial Day weekend, I'm sure. But women suck. Over the last 2 years, I've expressed interest in 7 different women. One went psycho. One decided to take back her old boyfriend (who, incidentally, forgot her birthday. PFFT! And he forgot it again after she took him back but was saved because we reminded him, lest he get killed). One apparently doesn't want a relationship, because when I told her how I felt, she freaked out. One just kind of fizzled, but then she found herself a boy one day (PFFT!). One seems to think my interest is some kind of running joke. Two of them ignored me completely at dinner last night (whilst simultaneously ogling the waiter's butt and bitching about how horny they are).

And as for those last two, well, I just blew a good sixty bucks for dinner and drinks last night. Only to be completely ignored. PFFFFT!

I mean, come on. It's not like I'm some horny bastard. I've actually been told I was raised a true Southern Gentleman. I try to be as sweet and polite as possible. I hold the doors, I push in the chairs, I do what I need to do to make people happy. My girlfriends (few though they've been) have always been first priority because they mean a lot to me. So why do I constantly get ignored? Do I need to change deodorant? Is Scope that much of a turn off? Is my fly down?

Oh well. I hope the local monastery has need for a Cisco/UNIX geek. At this rate, that's where I'll end up.

Speak on it.

Editor's note: Yes.

Published: May 7, 2000
Editor: stacy