Experts Agree...

May 28, 2000

Hyperactive Fanatics - A mole on the rear end of society
   by mike <>

You are my IDOL! I am your biggest fan. I have all your records, CDs, minidiscs, mp3s, posters, magazine interviews, and movie appearances. More importantly, I have all of your personal information.

I know where you live, your phone number, your parents' address, your significant other's occupation, and where in your bedroom you keep your K-Y Jelly. I know it all, and I'm going to use it.

This is the problem these days: people who get so obsessed with a single person or group in the spotlight that they stalk them, attack them, or otherwise exploit their personal lives. PFFT! We spend so much time trying to dig up the addresses of all the Backstreet Boys that we forget one thing - all of their songs sound the same.

Seriously though, how can we expect anyone else to step into the limelight when at some point they will invariably be harassed by someone claiming to be their 'biggest fan.' Just ask Selena. She was shot by the president of her own fan club. Does anyone else notice something seriously wrong here? (Aside from that fact that she was attractive in a horse kind of way and not that fantastic a singer.)

It's got to stop. If it doesn't, there will be no more showbusiness. We will be forced to entertain ourselves the old-fashioned way: playing Solitaire and Gin Rummy...just like our grandparents.

Dammit, now where did I leave my teeth?

Published: May 29, 2000
Editor: stacy

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