July 9, 2000

There's Something About Monday
   by mike <mike@pfft.net>

For Pete's sake. It's Monday again, isn't it? I friggin' hate that day. It officially signifies the beginning of another restless, grueling and unforgiving work week. Not only that, but it violently brings to a close all of the harmony you've enjoyed over the past two and a half days. What nerve.

Indulge me for a moment. It's 6:30am. Your alarm goes off playing that infernal Backstreet Boys song you've heard every five minutes on all the stations. You clamber out of bed in a daze and somehow make it into the shower. Of course, the building you live in is under construction, so there's no hot water. But the landlord didn't tell you that - you found out when you stepped into your Arctic Circle of a bathtub.

After going through that wonderful ordeal to kick off your day, the true fun begins: work. Walking into your office (or should I say cubicle?), the first thing you hear is your uptight boss yelling about how 'the report' was due Friday. You walk in, however, and he stops his conversation to kindly point out that you look like death warmed over. Ironic choice of words, no?

Plopping down in your foam-walled cubicle of an office, you begin the daily grind at about 8:30am. Alright.. only 7.5 hours remaining until you can again experience the strange release of some kind of highly alcoholic beverage.

This is only the beginning.

There are four more 'impossible missions' to complete that even Ethan Hunt couldn't manage. And don't tell me you can skip the shower part now that you know about it. Don't even THINK of going to work without a shower, Mr. Popularity.. damn, you'll smell like an old sailor's underwear.

So what do we do? Lop Mondays off the calendar? Petition the Week Gods to officially banish Mondays to the catacombs of evil days? No. That won't do any good. Why not?

Beause then Tuesday would suck. Why ruin a perfectly good day? Besides, once Tuesday rolls around, it's no longer the 'beginning of the week,' technically, so let the good times roll and keep the liquor a'flowin'!

Published: July 10, 2000
Editor: stacy