July 16, 2000

It's time to ante up already!
   by mike <mike@pfft.net>

Someone tell me just what the HELL is going on.

I'm serious. I have no idea whatsoever what's possessing people to be such self-indulgent weenies with no regard for the well-being or even existence of other human beings. A few examples:

• The people on the expressway who know damn well you HAVE to merge into their lane because of construction who still refuse to budge. You have neither flashing lights nor a siren. I am NOT obligated to yield to you, and traffic will NOT part like the Red Sea, okay? (Hell, even when I drive the AMBULANCE down the street with the light and siren, people actually move to get IN my way. GOD!)
• The jagoffs who dart across the street in the middle of traffic obviously high on speed and thinking they're The Flash.
• People working in stores, who, when you ask for help, act like you're destroying their peaceful existence by asking them to perform their job function. Heaven forbid you actually do what you're paid to.

These days, people are more concerned about what gets them ahead than anything else. If they cut me off on the highway, maybe they'll get there faster. If they ride my rear bumper the whole way, maybe they'll get there faster. What on EARTH does riding my bumper accomplish? Nothing but pissing me off. And you know what, it's people like you that cause road rage. You wonder why people jump out of cars with 12-gauge shotguns and blow your heads off. It's because you are ASSHOLES.

If anyone has ANY explanation for why the citizens of L.A. (aside from "They're completely retarded." or "Just look at the air they breathe - there's your explanation.") thought it appropriate to celebrate the Lakers' victory by rioting (again, I might add), let me know.

"Hey bitch, they won! Let's torch shit!"

We can't expect the world to remain in one piece forever as long as there are people out there who think that everything revolves around THEM; that no one else matters. You know, when you cut me off on the roadway, I'm probably in just as big a hurry as you. And if I miss my job interview because you had a hankerin' for some biscuits and gravy, I'll hunt you down and kill you like the dog you are and urinate on your corpse.

Of course, I might just be late to the interview and suffer no real long-term consequences whatsoever. That is a plausible alternative.

But seriously, we just can't keep going on like this, where everyone and their sister thinks they can just push everyone else around for their own benefit. My sister's too weak for that. Besides, we could advance so much more as a society if we'd stop killing other people for their Air Jordan shoes and actually GIVE the homeless person 20 cents and NOT get too mad when the old lady takes the last seat on the bus. It's the little things that'll make the biggest difference - trust me.

Before we can get past the bigger problems facing us as a people, we need to adapt to each other's way of life. Accept the color of their skin, their sexual preference and their bad breath. Move on. There are so many great things we could be doing if we all just quit bitching.

It's time to ante up and kick in.

Published: July 17, 2000
Editor: robin