October 5, 2000

Ricky Martin
   by yawetag

Finally, I have a chance to step away from work-related issues. Ricky Martin didn't really make me PFFT until I actually *read* the lyrics to his new song, "She Bangs." I only read them because I heard the song today and I wanted to see how big of a PFFT I could get from reading all of the *cough*stupid*cough* analogies that were present in this song.

The first thing that strikes me as being ironic is that even though there's been countless stories of Ricky being gay, he still sings songs about women. I have yet to understand this. Maybe he's just trying to cover up the fact.

After that fact, I just couldn't stop laughing at the MANY analogies this song contained. Let me show you:

You lit a fuse, and now I'm ticking away / Like a bomb...

You're switchin' sides like a Gemini

And now you're hittin' my heart / Like a drum

And that was only in the first verse!

The funniest part of all is this part in the Chorus:

She reminds me / That a woman's got one thing on her mind

And what the hell is that, Dr. Ruth? If a woman only had one thing on her mind, then why the hell are they so confusing?

Anyway, I think I'm going to try some of these analogies as pick-up lines.

"Hey, baby! I'll let you rough me up 'til you knock me out." *POW* *KABOOM* *FWAP* "Damn... it worked for Ricky!"

PFFT! to the record artists that can actually sing about things that would NEVER happen in real life.

Until next time, I'll be out trying these new lines.

NOTE: As far as I know, the lyrics presented in this article are the intellectual property of Ricky Martin, even though he probably didn't even write the song. Nonetheless, I copied them and they aren't mine.

Published: October 5, 2000
Editor: stacy