October 23, 2000

An Offer I Can't Resist! Wanna bet?
   by mike <mike@pfft.net>

Imagine for a moment that it's a brisk evening on a winter Sunday. You have spent the entire day building snow forts and drinking hot chocolate with your children, spouse, girl/boyfriend or whomever you hold nearest your heart. As a culmination to what's seemed like a day impossible to top, you sit down to a feast which would rival those of Viking lore. Relaxing with those you love, a perfect day of fun and food. What could spoil such a Kodak moment? *cue the phone to ring*

"Hello sir, I am calling on behalf of the Veterans of a War That Hasn't Yet Happened, and I am checking to see if you would be so generous as to help us out again this year."

In a gentle manner, you turn the man on the phone away. He sounds disappointed but thanks you for your time and bids you a good evening.

Now imagine it's 7:00am the following Saturday. You get the same phone call from the same organization. It's even the same guy on the phone! This time, however, he remembers you and asks for your wife/girlfriend. You stop the man's ploy dead in its tracks and ask to be placed on his "do not call" list.

"You don't want to help us anymore?"
You: "No, I'm not interested."
"Why not?!"

PFFT! Where do these people learn to be so inconsiderate and blatantly rude to the very individuals from whom they are trying to get money? The telemarketer problem is as old as the telephone itself. (Okay, it's not, but it sure sounded good, didn't it?)

For years we've had to find new and creative ways to "just say no" while still remaining cordial to our fellow man. With the advent of Caller ID, these tele-salesmen have also had to adapt by using fake names and numbers to slip into your home and peddle their wares. Isn't the point of Caller ID to allow individuals to screen their calls and selectively answer so they can avoid people to whom they don't wish to speak? I believe it is. (Then again, I also believe that Britney Spears should be my personal masseuse.)

Why don't we pass laws to stop this? Because politicians get too much money and support from these individuals that speaking out against them would prove disastrous to their reelection campaigns. Speaking of making money, isn't our personal information sold to OTHER telemarketers? If someone's going to make money off of my phone number, shouldn't I see some of that profit? PFFT! I've got to support my raging crack habit somehow!

In short, telemarketers are assholes. To be more verbose, they are inconsiderate, sneaky, condescending jerks who have nothing better to do than sit down and harass hard working people in order to sell what turns out to be a cheap product. (Like the time I ordered that "Two-At-Once" dual-woman blow-up doll. WTF? It deflated the first time I tried to--- too much detail. Sorry.)

Published: October 23, 2000
Editor: robin