November 20, 2000

Walking 'round in women's underwear
   by ocelot <cat@ansible.org>

Bet that title got your attention...

For all you men who have ever wondered what it's like to be a woman, here's a glimpse into one of the more mundane aspects: underwear.

This morning, I went to get dressed. I pulled a bra out of my underwear drawer, only to discover that the wire had popped loose. To my surprise and annoyance, this thing was incredibly sharp and jagged. It was just luck that it popped loose while being washed, rather than while I was wearing it.

So I shoved the end of the wire back in it's little fabric enclosure thing and put it on. (Why didn't I just throw the darn thing away? I'm not entirely sure. It's not like I don't have others I could wear. Something about not letting Monday get the best of me. (It did anyway, but that's a subject for another PFFT!) Or possibly just that I hoped it could extend the life of the thing a little longer - those things are expensive! $25 for a piece of fabric that probably cost $0.50 to make. Geez.) Unfortunatly, about halfway through the day it popped loose again. I taped over it and managed to make it through the rest of the day in relative comfort, but decided when I got home that its time had come.

My question is, why do they make the dumb thing so sharp and jagged? To saw through the fabric so that we'll be forced to buy their overpriced scraps of fabric that much sooner? Or is it a more sinister plot to punish us cheapskates who like to wear things out before buying new ones by giving us involuntary mastectomies?

Panties are the same way (though not nearly as dangerous). My favorite kind has a waistband that's sewn too close to the edge of the fabric. This means that after approximatly 1.5 wearings, the fabric comes loose and a hole develops. Since I'm rather obsessive-compulsive about not having holes (even in the waistband) of underwear and socks and things like that, this means that I have to buy new underwear on a much more regular basis than I should really have to. (Yes, yes. I know. I should just change brands. But I suspect that the only underwear that doesn't suffer from this problem in one form or another is granny underwear).

On an unrelated note, has the spoof song that I referenced in the title completely ruined "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" for anyone else? Granted, it was one of the most annoying Christmas carols to begin with, but now I can't ever hear it without images of transvestites dancing through my head.

This PFFT! brought to you by the Association for TMI.

Published: November 20, 2000
Editor: stacy