Experts Agree...

December 24, 2000

Traditions.. what a pain
   by mike <>

Traditions suck.

My girlfriend and I have been together for three years. Each Christmas Eve, I trudge through the snow to her house to spend the evening with her extended family - they're a tightly-knit group.

After enduring 2-3 hours of unincumbered boredom and feigning interest in several 'old people' conversations, I usually expect to get some time alone with her. Just a little time to cuddle, or give a quick massage or maybe make out a bit, heaven forbid!

But no, she is such a traditionalist that any deviation from last year's activities would spell disaster for her, apparently. Her brother sits and reads "The Night Before Christmas" and then they all go to bed. So of course, I'm shooed out of the house faster than some rat they found in the basement. PFFT!

She talks of marriage a lot. I'm not one to jump right into married life if I can't get attention when we're still 'just dating.' Bah humbug.

I guess I could always break up with her and ship myself via UPS Next Day Air to Hawaii and meet some woman who celebrates Kwanzaa so I'll still get attention on the 24th. Nah, too much effort involved. It'd be easier to convince Rachel Blanchard to sleep with me.

Published: December 25, 2000
Editor: stacy

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