January 13, 2001

Shopping in Advance
   by mike <mike@pfft.net>

Of all the sacred things in the world you could possibly put in jeopardy, why would women choose their wedding to take a gamble on?

If that sentence doesn't make sense, I'm either drinking Schnapps again or you've never seen the bridal side of wedding preparations. Either way, keep reading - if it's the latter, it'll become clear. If it's the former, it can only get more amusing.

I understand fully that planning a wedding is a very long, drawn-out process requiring at least a year or more to really complete. No argument there. But why, oh why do you women have to buy your dresses like 6-8 months in advance? You're just ASKING for disappointment!

Men can squeeze into a tux they rented the night before (if they can remember they're supposed to be getting married, that is - bachelor parties get pretty rowdy). Women, though, seem to think they'll be the exact same weight and build in two-thirds of a year. It's just setting themselves up to fail.

Twice now I've witnessed the destruction that devil's food cake can hand out to women's 'perfect fit' wedding dresses. It's not pretty. Imagine Sally Struthers not being allowed to eat bacon-wrapped fried donuts anymore - it's that ugly a scene.

So for the love of God, please just get your dress like 2-3 months in advance, maximum. You'll never see a guy saying, "This is such a pretty work shirt! I'll bet I could use this in 7 months when I get that new job!" PFFT.

Published: January 14, 2001
Editor: stacy