Conspiracy Theory

July 6, 2001

Is it racism if I hate everyone equally?
   by Staver808

What is wrong with America? I hear stories from my grandparents and read about history and how great our country (or continent, if you're Mexican or Canadian) used to be, then I help my mother set up her brand new toaster oven. In the instructions are a few warnings. "Do not use in the shower?" Shower?!?!? Who the hell needed this little gem of advice. In my humble opinion, if you can't wait until you're out of the shower and dry, you DESERVE to be electrocuted! "Not to be used as protective head gear???????" What the hell is going on? Is there some evil mastermind selectively breeding us so the dumb survive? Because you know that in order for these companies to add these warnings SOMEONE HAD TO TRY IT! You don't just write manuals and say "Oh! It's shiny, make sure we tell people not to use it as head gear!" No one SANE thinks of using a TOASTER OVEN as HEADGEAR! Bah!

Every single time I have had coffee at McD's, it has had the same temperature as MOLTEN LAVA!!! I have never in my life thought putting McD coffee near my genitalia was a good idea! It's nature taking its course ladies and gentlemen. I mean, have you ever seen those nature shows and the wildebeasts or cows or something vegetarian is trying to cross the river? There ALWAYS seems to be one lone genius marching to the beat of his own drum that decides "Hell, I'm not crossing with them." crosses on his own and ends up as bait. It's nature and these people don't need to be rewarded for their behavior! Now I'm not saying we should kill these people off. I'm just saying it's time to cull the herd.

The thing is, it's not just me. I mean newspapers are written with an average 9th grade reading level (it's probably lower now, that was accurate a couple years ago when I took a journalism class). Why do they bother? Are you honestly telling me people with a 9th grade reading level actually read the stinking newspapers? NO! They watch television! They don't READ!!!! That's WHY they HAVE A 9th grade reading level to BEGIN WITH! Or if they do have a 9th grade reading level, and they are reading the paper, then they probably are trying to better themselves and writing at a 9th grade level STILL isn't helping anyone!

And what the hell is the appeal of these stupid reality programs on TV??? Now when I heard of Survivor I thought it was cool. Didn't get to watch an episode because I work nights, but I listened to people at work talk about it. Then I found out the people on the show actually got fed and water was provided. Bah! I thought they were going to be left on the island and see who was the last person standing. (Give me some credit, I wasn't expecting CBS or whoever to let the people die, I was expecting the actors or contestants or whatever to say "Okay, I'm done, I'm tired of starving, pick me up." Person who could tough it out the longest wins.) After I found out what the show was about I just don't see the appeal. And now there are even MORE of those shows! Fear Factor, Murder in Small Town X, ad naseum. I don't watch a whole lot of tv, my old tv time is usually taken up by the computer and internet, but even with the little I watch, I still know of a couple programs. What is so riveting about Survivor? It's just bad high school drama! I like you, he's a dick and she's a bitch so we're voting them off. Where is the excitement in that? Heck, I thought Jerry Springer was one of the signs of the apocalypse, these new shows have GOT to be the death rattle of our culture. At least the Romans had lead as an excuse. Entertain the masses!

For the PC crowd (politically correct, not mac deprived BTW) My new personal favorite. "You're not allowed to call them dinosaurs anymore. It's speciesist that is. You have to call them pre-petroleum persons." T. Pratchett

Published: July 6, 2001
Editor: stacy

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