August 23, 2001

Summer [De]construction
   by mike <mike@pfft.net> Allow me to first thank the countless (okay, five) regular readers who e-mailed me asking where Weekly Insight has been. I'll try harder. Just for you. :P

You know what? I'm an asshole. And that's not even the whole article, either! (Actually, I'm sure several of my friends could write an entire Weekly Insight about that alone. Perhaps next week.)

That said, it should be assumed I'll be an impatient bastard who can tolerate not even the smallest delays or complications within my daily routine - because I can't. However, summer construction is getting ridiculous to the point where even-tempered people also get pissed! It's no longer shutting down a road here and a road there for a week or three at a time; we've got two mile sections of the same road shut down for the ENTIRE SUMMER, and you never see people working on it!

So take public transportation, you say? I tried that. Each and every day I take the train downtown to Chicago where I spend 6 mind-numbing hours pretending to be a Network Engineer. However, I can't pretend to do my job unless I get downtown. Now all the trains are "up to 15-20 minutes late due to ongoing track maintenance projects." You know what? People take the train to get away from summer road construction. Now there's no hope for us weary commuters.

PFFT! I refuse to accept that. Perhaps we need another mode of transportation that does not rely on physical carryways to be laid on the earth. What are our alternatives?

- Teleportation (R&D is still working out the bugs - potentially messy)
- Air travel (United's expensive and never on time anyway. Screw it.)
- Walking (Chicago is 24 miles south. That's 8-10 hours. You walk it.)
- Bicycles (24 miles again. Laziness and playing PS2 triumph.)

I'm screwed, I suppose. Well, just as long as no one whines and complains to me that I'm constantly 15 minutes late, we'll be all right. And even if they do, we might as well officially change my start time at work to 15 minutes later, since there's no way to get downtown on time anymore!

You apologize for my delays, do you Metra/Bus company/Illinois Department of Transportation? That's nice. I hope that makes you feel a little bit better about making countless people's commutes that much harder to endure. Thanks and go suck a fat one. PFFT!

Published: August 23, 2001
Editor: stacy