December 6, 2001

I Think I've got a Virus
   by mike <mike@pfft.net>

PFFT to attorneys in general. That's the first thing. An extra juicy PFFT! to attorneys who are idiots and then chastise me for their idiocy. What do I mean? Read on, brother man.

On Tuesday, 12/4, the world was met by an unhappy "Goner" virus (W32.Goner.A@MM, for those in the tech world). This thing hit like a fat man trying to get into a pizza place before it closes for the night. Our antivirus software coupled with Microsoft Outlook's attachment blocking saved our Chicago office from being infected, though our other six U.S. offices were not so fortunate.

Thank goodness for Outlook being irritating as hell by blocking certain attachments. To quote Matt Damon in "Dogma", "Let it never be said that [Microsoft's] anal retentive attention to detail never yielded positive results."

I was bombarded from 2pm CST to around 6:30pm CST by the 10-20 people in our firm that opened it. One of them was a partner. He turned and said, "Hmm. I wonder what this is." His secretary replied, "You should probably ask the MIS guys before you open it." He agreed, and promptly opened it anyway. Next thing I know, we're being inundated with phone calls accusing us of not taking appropriate steps to prevent this.

How many different ways do you need it spelled out for you? Do not open attachments you weren't expecting. EVER. Do NOT come yelling at me when you cause your own demise (and the severe irritation of all 700+ employees in our firm).

Sure, the attack eventually stopped once we found everyone that had opened the screensaver attachment, but the anguish we needlessly suffered for it is ridiculous. To all the attorneys in the world who think they're God/infallible because they have a J.D. after their name: Go blow a donkey and leave me alone.

Published: December 6, 2001
Editor: stacy