March 4, 2003

The End of Unemployment - The Beginning of Rip-Offs

I'm the guy from "It Pays to be a Back-Stabbing Liar" fame. The one who got fired in mid-August. Finally got my last unmemployment check about a week ago. Now the crunch is on even more to find a job.

I got something from the EDD (the unemployment office) that I thought might be of some importance. It's a flyer. It says "Machinist Training... Ready to start your CAREER?" It also says "No Cost to Trainee!! (if eligible)". This "school" even has a website that doesn't work. Surprise! Why does the EDD participate in fucking scams? Aren't they supposed to HELP people?

I went to one of these things, way back when I was relatively young and stupid. It's a student loan scam, all the way. They want to FORCE you to sign the student loan paperwork BEFORE they will tell you ONE fucking thing about their "school". I say "force" because when I went to it, I made the mistake of asking questions about the school, the classes, and our ultimate goals. The woman locked the door and stood in front of it. She YELLED at me and my friend and said that we "would never see the fucking daylight again until you sign the god-damned papers." Yes, that's an exact quote. I threw a paper weight through her window as a distraction while I ran out the door. I think we barely got out with our skins.

I'm off to the fucking Job Expo in Downtown Los Angeles in about an hour. I hope it's not another fucking rip-off convention. I get SO fucking pissed because it seems the world wants to take advantage of those who are unemployed. It's like "Hey, he has almost four dollars in his pocket. Let's take it!" Why is this bullshit allowed to continue? is another offender. They actually SOLD my personal information. I entered it into their "Create A Resume" area, thinking it would actually be a resume that employers would read. Yes, I DO get more emails and phone calls. I got no job offers, but now I know all about how to make a DVD copy from a regular CD-R. Furthermore, I know about the "World's Largest Online Casino" and the "World's Smallest Camera". I have learned about the joys of penis enlargement creams, how I can get bigger breasts, and how to find anything on anyone. It's fucking amazing just HOW many 19-year-old hot female college students have webcams. And they're all LONELY, too. Go figure! Being married wouldn't help that any, because the married women are lonely, too, and they want my company. I have the emails to prove it. I'm sure you have them, too.

I thought that the EDD and were above scandalous behavior like this. But why should I have thought that? I've applied for about 80 jobs through the Los Angeles Times since that fateful day of August 16, 2002. Of those, I've gotten 23 responses that are nothing more than pyramid schemes. You thought those were dead? Think again! None of the responses were legit. I am highly surprised that people continue to rob convenience stores with guns. Why bother? You can do it legally using the newspaper, the internet, the phone company, and even the Federal Government. After all, they let all this go on, don't they. Why risk it with guns and other weapons, when you can present your scam openly to unsuspecting victims. Hey, there aren't any conseqences. It's all fair game! Just don't get too big or popular. Ask Miss Cleo about that. She never saw THAT coming. How ironic!

Instead of looking for a legitimate job, maybe I should start my OWN scam. After all, it's the respectable American way.

Published: March 4, 2003
Editor: stacy

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