November 11, 2003

Use Protection When You Eat!
   by mike <mike@pfft.net>

This story on NBC5.com is simply too juicy to pass up. ...literally. A California woman, Laila Sultan, was eating at a glitzy restaurant when she discovered what she claims was an unwrapped condom in her clam chowder. Imagine that! You chew on what you think is a clam, and it turns out to be an unwrapped wang-wrapper! That's awesome!

Now as if that wasn't funny enough, the woman alleges she spent the next fifteen minutes in the restroom vomiting, and also says she has seen a psychiatrist & taken medication for anxiety/depression. To turn an already funny story into a hilarious farce, her three companions have joined in a lawsuit accusing the restaurant of negligence and intentional infliction of emotional harm. Oh MAN, I'm really on the floor now!

Let's break this down. It's funny, albeit unfortunate and kind of gross, that someone found an open meat shield in their food. Someone should certainly get in some trouble for "careless handling/disposal of a prophylactic device," if that's a crime anywhere. I even think I'd probably vomit for 15 minutes (unless the condom was obviously unused), just like she did. But come on, psychiatrist visits and medication? Oh please. Let's be serious here - it doesn't bother you so much that you're depressed now. Not a chance. You're not anxious, either, except maybe whenever you think about eating clam chowder.

If you want to sue the restaurant for negligence, Ms. Sultan, fine. I think you're justified in that so long as you're not seeking ridiculous damages. Someone needs to pay for that, and it's likely an employee of the restaurant. However, there is no way the restaurant as an establishment intentionally inflicted emotional distress by making you chew on a jimmy hat. Grow up. Oh, and your three bitch friends need to take a hike and stop pretending this event affected them the same way or something. They're just jumping on the litigation bandwagon hoping for some free money. Come off it.

I, for one, am placing my money on some ex-flame of yours who slipped the French Tickler in your stew. You really need to watch out who you tick off, m'dear...

Published: November 12, 2003
Editor: stacy