April 30, 2004

Entering the 'Friend Zone'...
   by mike <mike@pfft.net>

Touchy subject. Unlike like the Bermuda Triangle, which is acknowledged only by mariners and aviators who still use instruments made of rubber bands and gum to fly, the 'Friend Zone' is real. However, there are some misconceptions about that region that should be dispelled.

Most women seem to believe, by and large, that their male friends are their 'friends' and nothing more. However, if said woman is at all attractive, I'd be willing to wager that the majority of those guyfriends would have sex with them, given the opportunity. It's the nature of man, ladies. We eat, sleep and sleep with things.

Let's look at something. Who are the 'nice' guys? We're the ones in the friend zone. We listen to you bitch about that slut at work that slept with your boss, we listen to you pine over men who aren't us. We offer to come take you out when you've had a bad day, we buy you things "just because" and we seem to like it. We're the guys that care, ladies. We're so far in the Friend Zone we own property here, but that's only because YOU put us here. There's no salient reason why we can't be in a relationship with you.

If we want to get out of the Friend Zone, which is tough but not impossible, we have to start acting as the antithesis of everything you like about us. We're going to stop going shopping with you. We're going to treat you like every guy friend we have, because we're not going to be trying to impress you anymore. Men act more confidently and naturally when not trying to score. That's ridiculous.

The guys you make your friends are the ones that already have that 'amazing connection' with you you claim to have developed with Ike the crack-addict biker/drifter you just brought home. We're the ones that are going to comfort you when he steals your money and sells your couch to feed his habit.

Pick us, dammit, and stop making so many bad decisions.

Published: April 30, 2004
Editor: stacy