May 19, 2005

Dr. B. Zurker will be with you shortly...
   by jhyde

I've been spending the last two weeks at the hospital, thankfully there's nothing wrong with me. Hospitals are like a 4 star hotel and a torture chamber all rolled up into one. They are apologetic they have to poke/prod/puncture you and to make up for it they give you good service, which lately has dwindled to piss poor crap these past 10 years. I like to attribute it to global warming, but, well, you know. Whatever.

We're trapped in the Chambers of Mass Torture for two weeks, and just as we're about to leave I find out they have internet access. Hmmm? Internet access in every hospital room? It's true. It is the very method I make my post. Yeah, it's 28.8 phone modem, but I'm not complaining. I always thought hospitals preferred to keep their victims in the dark about their procedures. Think about it, they come in your room and tell you they're going to do this or that, you go look it up on the handy dandy internet and discover that only misinformed doctors want to do that and the smarter doctors that know something about it all live in a tight Russian community that has no death rate and refuses to tell everyone. Or whatever.

I'm beginning to wonder if the hospital has any reason for existing at all. For one, the staff only want the fun jobs, curiously all of which include inflicting pain upon the patient. Secondly, the actual things that make the patient feel better are left to the 'family' if existent. If not existent it sounds like that poor patient just has no reason to live any more and would probably be better off dead anyways. I've noticed that people with a very high chance of survival have no family, whereas the patients with a lower chance of survival rate live in a virtual family reunion for the last two weeks of their life. I don't know about you, but as much as I hate family reunions I'd do anything just to get the hell out of there.

Published: May 30, 2005
Editor: stacy