February 3, 2006

Wrinkles and Spandex Don't Mix
   by gforce <geeforce@comcast.net>

I love spandex. I mean who doesn't love the feeling of constriction on every part of your body. Yeah, the tightness is just great. It's hard to write sarcastically so give me a god damn break.

In reality, I hate spandex. I'm not talking about UnderArmor, but a full-blown fucking second layer of skin. I think it's one of the worst inventions (if you can even call it that) ever. Bikers wear it all the time. If it makes you go faster in a race, more power to you, but when you start wearing it even for just a bike ride it really pisses me off. I do not need to see your already disgusting body in more detail. I just don't.

Even more, why do you feel the need to wear it everywhere? I was in a store and one of you jerkoffs walked in and bought a bunch of food. You're telling me that for a ride down to the grocery store, you had to put on your little suit. It's got to be like a five minute trip! For that you probably took twenty minutes of your life trying to get it on.

Now to the meat of my bitching: Old people. Why old people? Why? Don't you realize that not a single person on this earth wants to see your skin-craters in more definition? Please, stop showing off your flabby body.

Wear a t-shirt, a sweat-shirt, a jacket. Wear a dress for all I care. Just take off the spandex and burn it. Release yourself from the evil hold this apparently has on you.

Published: February 4, 2006
Editor: stacy