October 18, 2006
Ok me writing is due to the fact that I'm procrastinating like crazy!!(hee-hee) This'll probably come back and haunt me, but hey live for the moment and the moment says screw homework!!For now, anyways I am not your girl, in fact I'm not your regular young adult, or so everyone seems to think beyond the blue hair and all. I'm generally driven by risk taking e.g. skydiving, which was fun as hell!! My mom of course had no idea where I was going at 4am in the morning, but hey I'm a thoughtful daughter and didn't wanna worry her in case I didi go splat. Anyhow, back to the original reason I'm on here to write about my so call "friend" who I've been dating for about two months going on three. He's the most accepatble, hilarious, intelligent, fun,....handsom... I could just go on he's down right perfect!!!I've genrally never been like totally boy crazed in fact I did the whole I like you ( PUNCH!!) thing. Oh yeah good old times(grin) when life was simple. Now I've never gotten over that old ccrush I had back in high school. we had this little weird school rivalry thing going,but I did know it of course. By the way, we were wrestlers. It's so cute and almost coincidental how we both didn't have a match so we walked together ,in the rain, yes the perfect atmoshphere. What I liked best is that it seemed that he didn't care that I was in sweats and my hair was all messed up. He was very easy to talk to and at one point he spun me around, my favorite moment in time forever engraved in my memory. We saw each other a less thn a handful of times tournaments. At one piont I thought nothing was gonna happen nd lost sight of any possible future with him. One day out of the blue one of my team mates, which I seldon talked to came up to me and gave me a note, which had, you guessed it, his #. Oh yeah!!! We hit it off talking and we had hours of great conversations etc. He was just a dream! Funny how things worked out we never went out even though he did ask me out. I never felt good enough for him and declined. Eventually, we set a date and he took a day off from work. Well guess what happen1? A girls worst nightmare of course! I had a gotten a blemish! OMG! GASP!! Yes I know maybe a tad over dramtic. I called and cancelled our plans. Little did I know that that was the last opportunty he gave me to go out with him. We continued to talk and I foolishly took him for granted and lost him. Days,weeks, and months passed and we stopped conversing. Eventually, I swollowed my pride and called him never quite getting a hold of him I concluded that he wanted nothing more to do with me and in my last attempt left a voice message,which if you knew me at all would be infathable to think, since I despise talking to a machine, in a cracking voice trying not to sound over dramatic and sound sane I apologized for taking him for granted and said a few other things I cant recall. Almost in tears I skated home,since it was after work. I remember when I heard his voice on the other end of the line I thought I was dreaming! I couldn't believe it! We were at the whole putting each other down thing again in a friendly kinda way, which I think ultimately led to our downfall. We talked a few more times and that was it no more attempts to swallow my pride were taken as I concluded that it was time to let go. It's been a few months now, haven't spoken, and I think about him alot less. Although, I'd take him back ny day. He wasn't as perfect as the guy I'm currently dating, he lyed a few times about nothing big really, but he still had this little something about him this little spark. I erased his number so as to not be tempted to call him, but I still secretly long for him. It's sad to say and I know it, but if I ever ran into him and he would give me anothe chance I'd drop the guy I'm dating in a heart beat. That's y I think I'm not over him. How could I do that to this great guy?? Exactly! totally retarded of me!! I've though about leaving him to, just that I have know idea whther or not I should whether or not I really wnna risk losing himm froever. Sometimes I think that that's how I lost my crush. I took him for granted and BAM!! He left, so I keep telling myself to stick it out maybe it's worth it and why not I don't have anything to lose right?? I just dont know....
Published: October 24, 2006